For instance, the father could set alarms made specifically for heavy sleepers to wake himself up, such as alarms that vibrate. Her proposed solution would be to develop a system that does not depend on the Reddit user's wife waking him up. "The wife is now bearing the brunt of caring for herself, the baby, and waking her husband from his sleep, which is an added responsibility in itself," Pommells added. However, asking his wife to wake him up so that he can tend to the baby isn't fair either, as this would cause an unequal distribution of labour within the household." "In this case, the husband isn't intentionally sleeping heavily to avoid night-time responsibilities with the baby. Weaponized incompetence typically refers to a situation where one person repeatedly and intentionally performs a task poorly or uses an excuse of 'I don't know how' to avoid being asked to do it again in the future," Pommells told Newsweek. "This does not exactly fit the definition of weaponized incompetence. She feels that things may have become heated between the pair due to a rise in stress levels since the new baby was born. Trauma and couples therapist Morgan Pommells is not convinced that the Reddit user was weaponizing his incompetence. She just doesn't want to wake me up for some reason." Expert Verdict: Find Ways to Share Responsibilities The Reddit user recalled the uncomfortable exchange: "She told me that made it so much worse and that it was like 'weaponized incompetence'. The man wrote that he'd asked his wife to wake him up when their baby stirs, but was met with a frosty response. "I feel bad because I recognize that if I'm asleep I'm not contributing to the night stuff," he added. The Reddit user had been slammed for not helping his wife out with the nighttime care of his 4-week-old child. A stressed young father with a crying newborn baby.
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